Last year I wrote about surviving winter holiday eating because people were on MFP having entire nervous breakdowns (check it out here). This year, I decided to talk about how the Thanksgiving/Christmas/Hannukah/New Years season is under-appreciated. Keep reading because I’m going to turn that O_o into a 😀
1. Celebrations Happen INside!
During the summer, almost every event happens outside. And that’s fine depending on where you live (and if where you live is on TV). For the rest of us, NAW! Here’s why:
There are bugs! BIG, annoying bugs: mosquitos, bumble bees, regular bees, ants, waterbugs….. *faints* And every single one of them is like Stewie in the episode of Family Guy where he got all buff and wouldn’t let Brian pass him in the hallway.
On top of that, IT’S HOT (and probably) HUMID DENNAMUG! By the time you get done eating, you are draped up and dripped out in sweat. All of it might not even be yours because people like to hug -__________-
Also, picnic tables and folding chairs are uncomfortable. Picnic blankets are great unless it’s rained recently or someone spills something.
During the winter, it’s too cold to be outside. Which means you never have to leave the house! Dinner is IN. SIDE! You can enjoy your food with hot air and real chairs! And unless your family is super formal, you don’t even need shoes!
Tip: You’ve got unlimited access to a nice, clean bathroom! Use that to your advantage and drink lots of water. Also, since you’re inside, you don’t have to wear 800 layers of clothing. Use this as an excuse to challenge family and friends to some WII or Kinect games (or to learn some new dance moves).
2. That Table Tho!
The summer months are ‘ALL PAPER AND PLASTIC” everythang. Which wouldn’t be a problem if:
Paper plates weren’t so weak and aerodynamic. Using a paper plate requires Seal Team Six level planning. Too many moist foods and it’ll leak through. Too much food and it’ll rip the plate. Too little food and it’ll fly away. Welcome to the lives of the three bears.
Styrofoam plates are an option but they aren’t environmentally friendly. And maybe you don’t care but at least ONE person at your gathering will care AND will make sure you know it. Also, though sturdy, they’re still aerodynamic which means you HAVE TO fill the plate.
Plastic cutlery is basically the icing on this tragic cake. One false move and you’ll end up stabbing yourself through the plate or flipping it over. Don’t even try to use that knife. Just don’t!
Plastic cups are great and awful at the same time! The second you pass an immeasurable level of emptiness, that thing becomes the worst kind of aerodynamic. It won’t fly away, it’ll just tip over and the rest of your drink will be gone forever.
So you THOUGHT that having table to rest your plate on would help you right? WRONG! Now, it’s going to take you longer to get away from the bugs! Also, those thin plastic tablecloths are useless. Do you notice a theme? EVERYTHING IS AERODYNAMIC! Your whole spread could blow away OR you could be smothered by plastic gingham at any given moment!
During the winter holidays people break out the nice dinnerware! In contrast to summer, you might see:
Real plates! These are thick, sturdy ceramic plates. THEY MIGHT EVEN GIVE YOU FINE CHINA!
Look left, then look right. There is real silverware! You can use that knife and not break it! You can actually stab something with that fork! LOOK AT WHAT PEOPLE DO FOR JESUS’ BIRTHDAY (or whatever else you are celebrating).
Are your thirsty? Good! because there is a glass sitting in front of you! A GLASS!
OMG! Is this a linen (or lace) tablecloth? THEY EVEN PRESSED IT! That table cloth is laid to the GAWDS!
Tip: If you’re trying to watch portions, keep everything on the flat part of your plate. You’ll have less food and you can still see the decorative rim!
3. You Smell That!
Spring and summer scents tend to be either fruity or faux weather-related. Nobody has ever said, “Oh, girl! Where did you get that grass scent!??” NEVER!
Winter scents, however, are the GOAT! Peppermint, cinnamon, and sage are everywhere. *SIGHS* I’m aware that they’re available year round but that does not negate the fact that they are all hopped up on ‘I’M IN THIS THANG’ during the winter holidays. People who really love you will use cinnamon in all their pies and sage in all their savory dishes. They’ll also have either candycanes or peppermint tea OWN DECK! If they don’t, I suggest you reevaluate your relationship. FYI, I didn’t forget pumpkin. I mean, if you’re into that sort of thing, I won’t judge you. I’m lying…
Tip: Peppermint tea is great for digestion. Stock up!
Let me start by saying that I love summer beverages: sweet tea, lemonade, sweet tea mixed with lemonade. What’s not to love?!?!?!
But winter gives me an excuse to drink more green tea than I already do! Wake up. Drank. Eat. Drank. Cold. Drank. Snow. Drank. Gloomy. Drink. Lunch. Drank. Eggnog. Snacktime. Drank. Workout. Drank. Dinner. Drank. TV. Drank. Drank. Bedtime. Drank.
My point is, it’s real out here in these winter streets. I got to stay toasty! In addition to tea, there’s coffee! GLORY! I recently discovered Trader Joe’s Wintery Blend coffee and I’ve been drinking it almost every weekend morning (with a little honey). It warms my heart…literally!
Tip: Drink all the green tea. ALL OF IT! It’s full of antioxidants and great for digestion.
5. Sugar Plum Fairies! Wait…
My favorite summertime desserts are ice cream and fruit trifles. My favorite year round dessert is a cupcake (not oversized). My favorite winter dessert is pie.
Oh, I’m sorry. I seem to have lost my country in the middle of all this rude, early winter we are having in Michigan. What I meant to say is ILUHPAAH!!!! Pie and ice cream is where summer and winter converge and I will never not be here for it! I also love pound cake and for some reason, I only have it when I go home for Christmas. Yes, it’s a basic cake but it’s one of my favorites because it’s not that sweet. In fact, my mom is making me one as soon as I get home. *grabs fork*
Tip: If you’re having something made specifically for you, either share it or ask for a smaller version. Refined sugar is the work of the devil and since you can’t be sure what everyone else uses, you don’t want to get stuck with too much of it.
6. Everybody’s Doing It!
Everybody eats during the winter holidays. It’s the law. It’s also great because people tend to be less likely to point out what you’re eating…unless they think it’s not enough. Look, some people are rude and they might still comment about your weight. For those people, you just gotta throw one of those nice, ceramic plates across the table. Wait, don’t listen to me. *runs away*
So assuming that person is too busy stuffing their own face, you might get a little break from the Food Police!
Tip: Just because everybody’s doing it doesn’t mean you need to go toe-to-toe. In last year’s post, I mentioned the sampler method. It works because you can have several plates just like everyone else BUT you’re being strategic about what’s on it. I like to cover half my plate with vegetables. Everything else has to fit in the space left over. That’s a great way to fill yourself up with lower calorie items!
Now let’s say you plan to take all the precautions and either don’t gain any weight, or gain around 1-5 pounds by January. Guess what? GREAT! That would mean you didn’t go hard in the gluttony paint! I am President of the “I hate the phrase ‘It could be worse!” Association but trust me, this is one instance where that’s actually a good thing. No matter what happens between now and New Years, just remember that it’s okay to enjoy yourself.
If you haven’t already, please be sure to check out last year’s post for more tips on how to make it through the holidays.
Did I leave anything out? What do you appreciate MOST about winter holiday eating? Or did you just really enjoy this post? Leave a comment letting me know!
And after you do that, go have a Christmas that is merry dennamug! 😀