Thick. Fine. Healthy.

For Real Tho….

Thick_ For Real Tho

I CAN’T EVEN DEAL. I CAN’T!

*throws myself on your keyboard and sobs*

WHY LAWD WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

*rolls around on floor and sobs more*

Now that that’s out the way, I guess I’ll start from the beginning. And by the beginning, I mean July. As my 27th birthday got closer (July 29th. Leo. *throws up sets*), I wanted to set a new fitness challenge for myself. I decided I would eat a purely pescetarian diet for the month of August (you can read about it here). Seriously, the only reason I did it was to challenge myself. I wasn’t expecting all the things that came out of it! As a brief recap in the event you didn’t click on the link….shame on you, here’s what I gained that month:

  • My skin hasn’t looked so good in years.
  • I’m actually NOT lactose intolerant after all (or maybe I just can’t have cow’s milk).
  • I felt lighter. Much lighter.

The last two are the most important. About 2 weeks into the month, I noticed that I was NEVER bloated. Not once did I feel bloated the entire month. I had cheese OWN DECK. Pizza was my best friend (in addition to some cupcakes, ice cream, and yogurt). I kept thinking, I should stop before I get bloated. I’m shocked I’m not yet. All the dairy I ate in August and didn’t FEEL bloated. Not na’an one time? Hmmmmmmm………

I decided that since I could live without meat, I’d reduce my weekly intake to 4 times a week rather than everyday. After the first week, I learned there was a problem. I thought it was because my body needed to get adjusted to it again so I planned to limit my serving sizes when I did have non-seafood meats. It worked out okay….let’s not get into the weekend I went to Ohio for my Grammy’s funeral and ate all meat everythang for 3 days straight. LET’S NOT! *runs away*

Instead, let’s get into this week. Just 5 days ago, I posted about my November Changes (or challenges as they are proving to be). One of those changes was that I planned to have meat (non seafood) twice a week this month to further limit my intake (and bloating). Somehow, by Tuesday night I had already had three. Don’t look at me that way! Grilled chicken breast Monday at dinner. Half a turkey sandwich at lunch Tuesday. Half a serving of beef tenderloin at dinner Tuesday. Let me also tell y’all how I spent all day Tuesday and Wednesday bloated dennamug. DENALLADAMUGS! ALL OF THEM!

*throws myself back on your keyboard*

I’m so hurt! Here I keep thinking me and meat are cool but NAW! I felt like I got hit with Prince-level side eye. And Lord knows I love Prince. I’m so sad!

Prince is truly amazing in everything he does. He’s the Patron Saint of YES LAWD!

After two days of feeling like a part of a Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade float, I accepted that this is a real issue. I sat down and spent last night researching meat intolerance. Yes, it’s a real thing. Judging by the symptoms, that’s more than likely what’s going on here. WHY LAWD! Although I did quite a bit of research, this WebMD post is probably the most concise as far as explaining what a food intolerance is versus what it is not. In short, if it continuously affects your digestive system, it’s probably an intolerance. *throws computer*

Wait! THIS IS A MAC!

*picks Mac up and hugs it*

Which brings me to a hard decision I’m actively considering. Becoming a full “for real tho” vegetarian. Usually even the slightest bit of consideration ended with me spouting the glory of meat eating:

Dear God,

Thank you for continuing to rain down your blessing. Especially of the meat variety. I’ll call each by name:

CHICKEN! Praise God! Chicken is the cornerstone of our lives. Such a delicious, versatile, well-priced meat. Also, chicken sausage is even better than regular sausage.

TURKEY! It’s like chicken’s bigger, more handsome cousin. Praise whoever thought to pair turkey breasts with gravy! Yes! Turkey breasts, fried turkey, turkey legs, turkey sandwiches. Come on Jesus!

DUCK! Oh duck. Listen. LISTEN! Thank you authentic Chinese restaurant in Wiesbaden, Germany that showed me the true greatest meat of all at the age of 11. You are my favorite of all. *thug tears*

BEEF! Hamburgers, filet mignon, pop roast, brisket, ribs, and the best of hot dogs! I don’t have you often but when I do, I am happy dennamug!

Pork! Although duck is my favorite, there is a special place in my heart for pig. The glorious, magnificent, misunderstood pig. It gets a bad rap but listen. What other animal can give us all these things? Pork chops, pork tenderloin, baby back ribs, bacon, ham, pancetta, pepperoni and sausage (yes i know pepperoni is essentially a sausage). Okay, that’s not everything but that’s what I actually eat. For others, the pig also gives us: pork roast, snout, pork butt, chitlins, pig feet, hot dogs, bologna, and probably more. ALL THAT FROM ONE ANIMAL? 

Amen.

But this time, I didn’t do all that….I’m lying. I did but then I came to my senses.

I’ve decided to actively work on becoming a full “for real tho” vegetarian. And by that, I mean, I’ll still have meat a few times a year because WHAT I SAY GOES! But I’d rather eat it sparingly that be bloated all the time. So! Here’s my new plan:

  1. Continue eating meat twice a week until I get used to doing it. At this point, I will
  2. Start eating as a 90% vegetarian MONTHLY. Twice a week is 90% a week. Six times a month is 90% monthly. Yes, I’ve done the math. Once I’m good on that, I’ll
  3. Back down to 4 times a month. Then
  4. I’ll work on letting go of meat for good.

In theory, if I had to put a “deadline” on it, it would be my 28th birthday….we’ll see.

*I’ve had other meat, but I don’t eat those often enough to have an (a fake) emotional attachment to them.

**One thing I forgot to point out. I said that I was limiting my overall NON seafood meat. I haven’t decided if I’ll continue to eat seafood or not. I guess I should say I plan to become either a “for real tho” vegetarian or pescetarian. 

One thought on “For Real Tho….

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