I was supposed to do this post BEFORE Thanksgiving but oh well. YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE! Unless you’re guessing I was lazy. In that case, yes. Yes I was. *flips hair*
In this instance, I am not just saying, “Happy Holidays!” as a greeting. I’m also using it to say, “be happy during the holidays”. For the entire month of November, half of the MyFitnessPal forum posts have been about the holiday season and losing weight.
“How do you guys handle the holidays?” “I don’t want to undo all my hard work. What do I do?” “I’m sad I won’t be able to enjoy my holidays.” “I’M GONNA DIE BECAUSE THERE WILL BE FOOD EVERYWHERE AND I’M AFRAID TO ENJOY IT!” Okay, I made up that last one. But if you read some of the posts, you’d see that it’s not that far fetched. People have been having entire nervous breakdowns in the name of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Hanukkah. Perhaps we should all consider Ramadan after all. Naw, folks would find a way to ruin it too. Let’s leave Ramadan alone so it can continue to live joyously. Free of the craziness attached to the holiday season as a whole. Lucky Ramadan!
BE HAPPY THOUGH! Don’t sit up here pouting at the dinner table while everybody else stuffs their faces. NOBODY WILL LIKE YOU! In fact, I’m rude dennamug! I’ll sit directly in front of you with a big slice of cheesecake and talk about how I have lost just under 30 pounds. You don’t want that life. I’ll sit there with gravy on every item on my plate like, “DO YOU SEE THIS WAISTLINE!” Just eat!
Also, nobody wants to hear you go on and on about how unhealthy all the food is. Listen, there is nothing worse than sitting at a table eating while someone decided to chastise everyone for their food choices. Especially if you’re the person who cooked most of it. Do you know how I handle people like that? Let me tell y’all how I dealt with someone’s sudden, “No Pork Ever Because it’s in the Old Testament” life. We were getting pizza and deciding on toppings. They decided to go on a rant about there being so much pork listed and how we shouldn’t eat it ever. MA’AM! Let me also tell you how Dominique ordered ALL the pork products. I had pork OWN DECK! I had pepperoni, sausage, and ham on that pizza! And it was delicious. Hopped up on pig deliciousness! All pork everythang on that pizza! *mouth waters*
And again, NOBODY WILL LIKE YOU! You’ll suddenly receive less invites to food-related events. Even nonfood events! And if you do get invited, everyone will band together to hush you up. I say this as a person who is also currently losing weight. If I’d do it, imagine what other people would do. It’s a holiday. Nobody cares about you and your new food plan! I DON’T EVEN CARE AND WE PROBABLY EAT THE SAME!
I, however, would like to point out something I often forget. Even when I wasn’t eating well, on a normal day I still ate between 1600 and 2000 calories. I couldn’t finish a McDonald’s value meal if I had too much to drink. I didn’t “up size” unless I was only eating the fries. I spent most holidays feeling like a beached whale because even my overweight stomach was like, “NAW! THIS IS TOO MUCH!” That’s overweight me! That’s only ME! Some of you can put away an entire pack of cookies in one sitting. Some an entire bag of chips. Some of you can eat an entire cornish hen (mmmmmmm…) all by yourself. I can’t do that. So to me, the holidays just mean I need to chill on the bread and water combo so I don’t bloat up like a blimp. Otherwise, I got plates OWN DECK…..for that one day.
I totally missed the point that some people WILL eat all the turkey on/in the days the follow. And that for others it’s like gateway drug back to the land of overeating. Completely missed that. For those people, here are my tips. Even though Thanksgiving has passed, you still have to make it through Christmas, New Years, and countless holiday parties. Instead of being the person nobody likes, give these a try 🙂
- Peppermint tea – Glorious peppermint tea! Lord if this stuff doesn’t smell like everything that is right with the world! It tastes like it too! Peppermint will help with the bloating. I actually drink it year round. To be honest, warm water in general works (I know people who just drink plain warm water….yeah). Any tea or warm flavored water would help but peppermint is my favorite.
- Pineapple juice – Also helps with bloating and digestion plus it’s tasty. Or just have some pineapple (assuming you can eat anymore). Mmmmmmmmm!
- Samples OWN DECK – Instead of filling your plate like it’s an all-you-can-eat-buffet where you have to get your money’s worth, try doing a sampler plate! It’s just like restaurants have sampler appetizers with less of each item. You don’t need to stock up on mashed potatoes! MASHED POTATOES WILL BE THERE LATER! I PROMISE! You’ll have a plate full of food so no one will ask you why you’re not eating BUT you’ll also be careful of how much you’re eating.
- No leftovers – I know this isn’t possible for everyone. I make enough for ONE more meal, that’s it. Which allows me to actually have it for 2-3 more meals because I make my plate using the sampler method. If you cooked, SEND PEOPLE HOME WITH PLATES! Buy a gang of aluminum foil, cheap plasticware, etc. Get as much of that food out your house as possible! Another option is freezing it. You can get affordable plasticware with dividers and freeze individual meals for later. If you’re like my mom, you can even make things like dressing in muffin pans that way they’re already split into individual servings for freezing.
- Walk – I never do this. I just ate and now you want me to go outside in the cold and walk? WHAT?!?!?! Oh…. But I should. Walking is great after eating entirely too much.
- Video games – It’s 5 degrees outside and you’re side eyeing me for saying something I don’t even do. FORGET YOU TOO DEN! Wii (or xBox Kinect) games are perfect! And I’ve actually played them after a long, hard day of eating too much. Next thing you know, you’ve made room for more pie! Wait………. *runs away*
- #ThatPlate – Follow thatplate.tumblr.com and/or hop on twitter and search #thatplate and #struggleplate. Every holiday, Twitter cuts the entire fool by posting and retweeting photos what some people pass off as food. Burnt turkeys, side dishes of questionable origins, mac and cheese with American cheese slices gingerly placed on top. Oh the awful mac and cheese. It pains my heart every time. Trust me though, you’ll have no trouble watching what you eat….assuming you can eat at all.
- Chill – As we all know, I am the Patron Saint of Not Chilling…..well actually, that’s Sir Kanye but semantics. It’s a holiday (or a holiday party). Relax! Enjoy it. Don’t be a Gloomy Gus…Negative Nancy…Debbie Downer. Yes we all know gluttony is an odd way to celebrate the birth of Jesus and than he most likely wasn’t born in December! We know God is like, “Well hold on now. This is not e’em ’bout my son no more. Y’all trippin’!” We know you just spent the better part of the year losing 30 plus pounds and you want to keep it that way. But listen! CHILL AND CUT ME A SLICE OF THAT POUND CAKE! And lay it right there next to this apple pie……:D